Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
