that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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