I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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