I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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