i just wanna soil my oats bro
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize