He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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