He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
