i permit you to call me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
