Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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