it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
