Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
