Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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