mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
