I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
