Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
