She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
