Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
