i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
