I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize