Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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