when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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