Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
