All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So much Jack, so little girl.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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