um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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