i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
