i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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