We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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