hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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