So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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