I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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