what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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