you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
