before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
