are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
