It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
