That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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