Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
