college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
God, I missed his penis.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
