If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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