your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
