I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
