I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
