i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
