Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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