problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
