a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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