Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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