New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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