I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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