Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
