Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize