I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
