I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
