it wasn't lemon gatorade
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
