threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
