Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
