Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
