Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
