Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize