she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
