If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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