I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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