just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
