you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
