I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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