yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
