i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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