But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
