return my video game
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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