god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
