Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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