oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
