Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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