ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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