omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My dick has a subreddit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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